Even in Suffering

As much as I would like to format this and go into detail, I simply can't, so I will just write.  These past days have been an emotional roller coaster and I'm at a loss as to how to adequately put into words what it's like to almost lose the man you love most in the world.  As the situation is still fresh and raw in my mind I am frequently overcome with waves of emotions, waves of gratefulness, waves of fear, waves of thoughts that are simply too big for me to handle, but I’m also overcome with  waves of how awesome God is. 

Many of you don't know that the day before Chris's surgery I was asked to speak at all 3 services of my church. The message our Pastor was giving was “How God Grows us Through Suffering”.  I was asked to give a testimony as someone who has suffered and been through many trials over the past years.  Little did I know that the very words I shared were about to become a beautiful example of God going before me. 

 Bearing witness to the man you love gasping for air with tremendous fear in his eyes, a fear I later learned that was for me and the girls, as he knew confidently where he would go, all was just too much for me to handle.  I have never felt such desperation and such fear.  Seeing him rushed down the hospital corridors and watching 2 doors slam shut behind him was enough to take my legs out from under me.  Had it not been for the grace of God and the prayers of many I believe I would have been on the floor like a rag doll.  I felt as if his heart ever stopped beating then so would mine.  We truly are that mushy couple who has always been more of an us than a you and me. Thoughts flooded my mind as I so quickly tried to remember the way his hand felt in mine, the way he looks at me, his voice as he tells me he loves me or sings so perfectly.  I felt a desperation to cling to all of those things because I wasn’t sure I would experience them again. It’s amazing how the mind works.

As I knew he was in surgery and I was forced to just wait, I did so with many friends, the friends that don’t ask, the friends that just show up. The friends who just let you collapse into their arms a big sobbing mess.  The friends who envelope you with love and immediately wrap you in prayer.  The friends who converse and allow you to be removed from your thoughts because you literally cannot handle having them, any of them. 

As I waited and waited the very words I had spoken, the words God had given me just the day before came flooding back to my mind.  When I spoke at church I spoke of the battles I’ve gone through in my mind during trials.  I spoke of the war that is waged between the lies that beg you to lose hope and make you feel defeated, against the truth of God’s word that banishes all fear and renews your mind.  As I continued to wait and even as I later sat for many hours in ICU, the words that flooded my heart are the words I closed with on that Sunday.  They are words that the Father has spoken to me from His Word when my mind had a grip on doubt. As deeply as those words penetrated my heart in the midst of the most fearful time of my life, I hope they also penetrate yours as you read them now.  Because my dear friends, they are true and they are life giving when the world seeks to steal and take away, these words breathe hope. 

I was afraid, but my hope did not rest in a doctor, in medicine or anything else.  My hope resides in the Lord and it is only with that, that I don’t have to collapse under devastation.  With God, ALL things truly are possible. 

As I close my writing I ask that you just allow God to pull up a seat right next to you and speak these words over you as He ever so faithfully has done time and time again over me. If you don’t know Him, I pray that you change that. I never could have gotten through this without Him and it breaks my heart to know that anyone I love and care about doesn’t have the same hope that Chris and I do.

Dear Child,

I know your life is difficult right now but you also need to know that I love you with a steadfast love that will never cease, and when the sun comes up in the morning my mercies will be new.  Even when you don’t feel like I am there, I am.  I will never leave you or forsake you, I promise.  You don’t have to be afraid because I am your God.  I will strengthen you and I will help you. I know you want relief from this trial, but I have provided you with something even greater, my grace, and it will be sufficient for you now and in anything that you will ever face.  This burden you carry, give it to me.  I will sustain you and will not allow you to be moved.  I know your problem screams at you, but you keep your mind on Me and I will give you perfect peace. Give me every negative thought you have and I will destroy it and command it to obey Me. I know it’s hard, but just wait for me in your suffering, for what was meant for harm, I will use for good.  I know you don’t understand, but that is because my ways and my thoughts are higher than yours. But great is My faithfulness.  Like I’ve told you, don’t be surprised, in this world you will have trials and tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world! And lastly, don’t be deceived, that healing you seek….you already have it. I provided that the day I overcame the grave.

Love, God

Finally!!!

I am one day away from accomplishing something I have dreamed of since the 6th grade.  Saturday, May 9th, 2015 will mark the day that I will be walking across a stage receiving my Masters degree in Professional Counseling. This day is a monumental one for me for so many reasons.

This dream first began inside my heart.  As a preteen I would peruse the mall passing out carnations to elderly people, just because. I loved the smiles they put upon their sweet faces. I was also very introverted and shy, so without the need to use many words, I handed out flowers instead.

Ever since I can remember, I have been a lover of people. I have always been a fan of the underdog, an encourager to the discouraged, and I have always longed to be a binder of the brokenhearted. My heart's desire to help people has always trumped my deepest fears and insecurities. In an odd way I have been blessed and cursed with the trait of perseverance. 

My life has not always been easy but I've somehow always managed to be a fighter. There is this relentless tenacity within me that I am unable to let go of. I love and I hate this about myself. One day, this perseverance that I have a love/hate relationship with, found me as I sat at my kitchen table.  

After years of struggle and pain I found myself married with a precious little girl and still having an aching heart for people, but this time I was one of the people I ached for.  There I sat at my white kitchen table, a 23 year old high school drop out with a long history of defeat, but a great drive within to overcome. I didn't believe in myself, I had anxiety swallowing me up like crashing waves and I had the self-esteem of a mustard seed, but I also had a dream and a drive.  

At that table the decision was made to get my high school diploma.  Not a GED, but the real thing. The next few years were spent crying at that table feeling so stupid as I struggled my way through my education, knowing full well most 16 year olds grasped concepts I struggled to teach myself. I read books upon books, filled in so many bubbles of answers, and I waited to turn in assignments via dial up service (Yes, I would like props for this alone). In between I had illness and 2 more children, but three years later I also had my diploma. The only thing I lacked was my walk across that stage. 

Years would go by, and despite my hard work and accomplishments, I continued to feel stupid and incapable. Everything in me believed I was right about myself, but again perseverance would rear it's head and not let me stop. It was then that I began my journey to get my Bachelors degree. More years of hard work, struggle, and more mental battles where I was my own worst enemy. It took many tears, many years, and many long nights of studying, but I finally received my B.S. in Human Development, once again missing out on walking across the stage. 

BUT come to find out, I still wasn't done!

Despite the grueling struggle of achieving my degrees, I knew I had to go on. I began studying professional counseling and it wasn't long before I became my own best client. I self diagnosed along the way and swore I had everything, and sadly, I kind of did. I took everything I learned and applied it to myself. I fought to win my own life back. Through this entire time I learned to face things head on. I fought battles I didn't want to fight. I kept getting back up every time I got knocked down. I instinctively filled my own head with negativity and lies, and I rose up and battled against those, too. I faced 7 surgeries and a year long debilitating illness, but I refused to give up the fight. Through it all, I've realized that I, by far, have been my toughest opponent. 

Friends, I am not kidding when I say this road has been long. Inside my head was a hot mess. I constantly felt dumb, defeated, and overwhelmed, but I embraced the calling God had on my life to be a people helper, so I fought.  I hated the lies I was led to believe about myself and the suffering I did in silence, and I was never going to be okay with allowing others to experience the same.  It is my hearts desire to be someone who stands up and does something.  My insecurities, my fears, and my deepest wounds were not enough to keep me from fighting for people-fighting for the freedom that awaits, for the peace they've always longed for and for the ability to know that they are enough. So, I hung in there for what seemed to be an eternity as I battled my way emotionally and physically. I fought for you, I fought for me, and I fought for every hurting person I might see one day.  And in doing so, I have finally accomplished my dream of doing exactly what God has made me to do. 

So tomorrow, I FINALLY get to walk!  

 

Pangs

I felt it the moment I heard her first cry. It’s almost as if I could physically feel it take root deep within my heart, and it was strong. It was such a strong desire to just make her tears stop. I had a sudden need to make her feel better at all costs and I somehow knew this would be a desire I would never let go of.  I just didn’t know the battle that it would entail.  On that day I could stop her crying just by cradling her in my arms, but even then her cry was not without purpose. The same tears and wails that broke my heart encouraged her to grow.  They filled her sweet little lungs with air and grew them to be strong.  Yet, I longed for them to stop and I felt the pang with each yell.

The infant cries soon turn into toddler disobedience.  The cries got louder and turned into screams and the battle of time out began, and ever so quickly, there it was again. The pang.  I felt it every time I pulled out the time out chair and she sat there in tears with her little white blanket and a thumb in her mouth. 

I knew she deserved the time out, but I could rarely get my heart to agree.  I could just let her get away with it one more time. I could count to three…and four…and four and half….I could just not be inconvenienced and just let it slide, but despite the screaming pang, I knew better.  If you are in battle with a toddler, you better win. Even despite the pang.

Years go by and there are more things that feed the pang.  She eyes cute dolls, sparkly shoes and dress up clothes in the store and her little heart desperately wants them all and my heart desperately longs to buy them for her.  The pangs say “give in”, but the parent I knew I needed to be says no.  She needs to learn contentment as much as her lungs need to learn to be filled with air.  And once again, this job called Momma is not about me.

Disrespect, sibling fights, lost nights that I was prepared to watch a movie and cuddle on the couch, turn into disappointments of extra naps and early bed times.  My heart screamed “No!”  I wanted the perfect night of popcorn, Beauty and the Beast and cuddles.  Why couldn’t she just listen?  My life would be easier if she did.  The pang grew and it also changed.  You see, the pang not only was a deep desire to make her happy anymore, but it also became one that desired my own happiness.  Do I hurt my own heart and lose out on my desires or do I hurt hers and allow the necessary consequences?  Did I want to make this night easier for me or do I want to make her life easier for her? I chose to grow her character.

Time continues to fly and middles school arrives. The pang returns in full force.  My heart screams “Protect her! Protect her! Protect her!” If I could only know every detail of her life, keep her safe in my home and keep her from hearing, seeing, or experiencing anything negative or hurtful I would feel so much better…. BUT, it’s not about me.  The way I mother her is about her.  After all, I wasn’t raising a child, I was raising an adult. And so the battle ensues a little longer.  I can choose to protect her in my own frailness or I can choose to allow her to experience bumps and bruises from the world and find her dependence in God and not me.  I chose God.  It hurt but He grew her even while I felt the pang.

The teen years came in full force.  I wanted to bail her out of everything.  I wanted everything she experienced to be awesome. I wanted her to have the best friends, the best grades, the cutest clothes and the safest car and I was desperate not to let her fall prey to the world.  I wanted…I wanted..I wanted.  Alright Lord, I remember.  This is not about me.  You gave her to me because her life is about You.  You know the friends she needs, the grades she needs and even the clothes and car that’s right.  Every experience she has is for a purpose that you have called her to for your glory. No Lord, I don’t want to stand in the way of that just because the pang or the selfishness in my heart is too great. 

 Now I sit here, a mere 2 days before this precious crying baby leaves out into the world for college.  And oh is the pang cutting deep!  The cries aren’t coming from her any longer, they are coming from me.  I know this world, I know what’s out there and it’s not so pretty, but even more than that I know my God and the God she loves ever so much.  His ways for her trump my ways every single time and yet again, despite my whaling heart, I trust Him. 

This parenting gig is not for the faint or weak of heart.  My heart is screaming “Stay, oh please stay” but I would never crush my beautiful girl like that. I’d rather have my own heart ripped out of my chest before depriving her of what she was created to do.  I have learned so painfully well over the years that parenting her was not about me and my comfort.  And now, all of a sudden I am so grateful, that even though not executed perfectly, I didn’t let things slide because it was inconvenient for me.  I didn’t keep her from time out because her tears broke my heart and I didn’t hold her back from doing scary things and I didn’t hold her back from failing or from making a bad grade.  I am grateful I was a tough mom filled with an endless amount of love that taught her how to make good decisions on her own.  More importantly, I’m grateful Jesus claimed my heart so I could show her how to desire Him to do the same for her.  Nothing I did as a parent was ever in my own power. I would have failed miserably.  It was the grace of God and the understanding of His ways and the reasons He disciplines those He loves.  I followed Him while she was following me.  And despite the pangs, I would do it all over again.

My sweet little Taylor, you have gripped my heart from the moment I heard your little voice and saw your little frog legs.  You are the most delicately strong, loving and compassionate child that I am desperately proud of.  Your shyness never has held you back, your inner quiet strength has shown through every challenge you allow yourself to face and I am fiercely proud to be your mom.  I will forever worry about you, cry over you and give you unsolicited advice, but I will do it all trusting in the calling God has on your life and the protection He has over you.  I will always allow Him to trump me. 

I hope I have parented you well and prepared you for this day. May I have richly blessed your life as you have mine.  Being your mom has been my best gig ever!! Now go out in the world and make His name known!   I love you forever…and don’t forget to take the kissing hand with you!

The Beauty of Violet

Imagine, what it would be like to be a young teenage girl and 

you have already spent your entire existence staring poverty, neglect and abuse in the face.  It runs after you so hard that you can barely catch your breath ..day in and day out. There's no one there to meet your basic physical needs, there's no one to encourage your dreams, quite possibly because you don't know to have any, and there's no one there to ever tell you that you are loved.  To top things off, at your lowest point you are carried up and strapped down to a roof to be lit on fire.  The pain is so severe and yet the fire doesn't kill you, it only leaves you agonizing for days untreated.  Now remember, you are a child. Your entire life has literally become a pile of ashes.

Meet Violet

Then enters God.  The lover of your soul you never knew you had, the Father your little girl heart screamed for, the Master at creating beauty from ashes. 

He entered in through The Mercy House, an organization I love that exists to rescue babies and their beautiful young mothers.  

You see, Violet's story doesn't end on that roof top.  That is where it began.  Yes, the road ahead would be bumpy, major surgical needs were necessary ($10,000 was met by YOU supporters within 24hrs) and her journey to understanding who she was created to be was sure to be a long one. But dear friends, God is good and He is the Master at creating beauty from ashes and there's nothing He loves more than using His people in the process.  

It's so easy to question God and asked why He allowed such a tragic beginning for Violet, but couldn't He question us the same?  Why did we allow it? Perhaps, why DO we allow it?

Here's a clip of beautiful Violet's story. Violet's Story


If you're not currently involved in supporting a ministry or running one yourself.  I ask you to consider The Mercy House. Every dollar you contribute invests in the life of a child and their mom. Every purchase you make at The Mercy Shop and every prayer you lift matters.  It all matters. Do something today.  

A Beautiful Love Story

Valentines Day is approaching and love is in the air! Date nights, fancy dinners, roses, chocolate and whispers of I love you. It seems so wonderful and yet at the same time so common and simplistic. 

What if this year we celebrated Valentines Day a little differently? 

Each year I pour out my undying love for my husband, praise him for who he is and what he means to me.  We take the time to celebrate each other and our marriage. In a way, I just let him know that I love him in a little bit bigger of a way than normal, but really, I just give him the love that he is already aware of having on the other 364 days. My husband knows I love him. I tell him and I show him. He knows.

This year my thoughts are drawn to those that may not have or know the love he has. The ones who feel forgotten and undesired and truly believe that they are. What about them? What is their Valentines Day like?  

As an advocate for The Mercy House , a ministry I believe in with my whole heart, I'm choosing to make this Valentines Day about something more.  I'm choosing to make it about the most beautiful LOVE story ever told. The sacrificial love of a Redeemer that knows and loves the broken, the impoverished and even the, dare I say, unlovable. 

As the week goes on I can't wait to tell you more about the love this Redeemer has poured out and the true redemption He has brought forth, but for now, I will share my own story of seeing firsthand this Redeemer's work in the life of a very special young woman.  

A few years ago my heart was broken and immediately lit on fire when I met a precious young woman from Kenya named Maureen. My oldest daughter served in ministry with her over a summer and pleaded with me to meet her. She said "Mom, seriously, she is going to change your life". And my goodness, that she has.  

I came to meet Maureen one day by first seeing her in a parking lot. It was instantly as if we had met many times before and were being reunited.  I vividly remember us running to one another and embracing in the most beautiful hug. She had never seen my face but yet instantly knew who I was. In that moment, I knew I would love her like my own daughter. 

Maureen is a tiny, beautiful girl with a smile bigger than the rest of her body.  Joy abounds from her. I was given the privilege of spending the day with her and hearing her story.  Maureen was once a sponsored Compassion child (another ministry I love). She told many stories of the extreme poverty she lived in.  Barely a roof over her head, a father who left, a mother, a sister, 2 brothers and a nephew all crammed in a house the size of most of our closets. No running water, no food, no plumbing and no money to pay the $3-$4 rent expected of them every month.  I cringed at the mere thoughts of her story, but Maureen didn't. Instead, she spoke of them with great power and triumphant joy. 

There I sat, literally looking poverty in the face and it smiled and gave praise, it was life changing. 

Maureen had been rescued from poverty, BUT, her rescue didn't look like we might expect it to. You see, she still remained in her shoddy home, she still had little food and she still walked in filth and stench every day of her life and yet if you asked her she would tell you she was rescued.

Maureen's rescue was real and it came in the form of love and when love is complete it is enough.

Love healed. Love encouraged. Love restored.  Love redeemed her life.  

I suppose you could say that Maureen was healed by the power of one. There was one sponsor who chose her and wrote letters telling her for the first time that she was loved, but there was also The One who ultimately healed her. The God who came down and humbled himself to death on a cross out of His great love for her, suffered far greater than she ever did or ever would, and Maureen knew that He did it willingly for her. He was her Rescuer. (By the way, He did the exact same thing for you!) This changed her life much as it should ours. It is that kind of love that outweighs any hardship or circumstance, even the deepest poverty. Maureen knew that. 

So, as I sat there during our time together, unable to finish all that was on my lunch plate knowing it was about to go into the trash, my heart broke. It just broke. Images of my pantry and expired food that I would go home and toss, flashes of my closet and my "posh car" as Maureen called it. All of it. I saw it all as loss. What was it worth? What good were all those things? The thought of a little girl never being told she mattered or was loved, this previously un-thought of notion could no longer be denied. That little girl now sat before me. It was in that moment that I knew I also had to become "one".  I had to become one that would make a difference. 

The Mercy House was also established by the power of one. Maureen was one. My friend Kristen Welch of We Are That Family was one and then before you knew it a lot of others decided to become ones. I don't know if this will encourage you to explore and become involved with The Mercy House or not, I hope it does, but more than that I hope it encourages you to become involved in something greater than yourself. After all, if one poverty stricken Kenyan girl and one beautiful Texan mom and wife can come together and create something as wonderful as The Mercy House, then who knows what more God can do with your one. Don't underestimate the power of your one...just don't. 

Check out The Mercy House here... 

     
Mercy House Kenya from The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch on Vimeo.

David and YOUR Giant

David and Goliath, an age old story filled with such new and fresh revelation.  Allow me to set the scene. A war seemed unavoidable.  The army was equipped with weaponry and armor and fully prepared for battle.  The problem arose when the enemy changed the plan.  This wasn’t to be a battle between armies but instead it was to be a battle between champions.  The biggest, the strongest and the fiercest competitors were going to battle it out.  The winner would become the champion of their nation and the losing team would become their servants. A lot was on the line and truth being told, the enemy opponent was bigger, like “over nine feet tall” bigger.  “He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing 5000 shekels (125lbs) (1 Samuel 17:5)”.  Not only was he bigger, he was aggressive and continuously taunting.  He tormented the opposing nation day and night for 40 days.  Yelling and screaming and throwing down a challenge to fight, a challenge that not one from the fully armed and armored team was up for, that is until David comes along.

 

 David was a young shepherd boy who was not even supposed to be there.  He was delivering food to his war fighting brothers.  During his brief visit this 9ft tall enemy, named Goliath, made an appearance and once again made his threats.  The army of men once again retreated in fear.  But David was different.  He knew this enemy was not just after the army of men, he was also after their God.  The men retreated because they knew that despite all of their experience, armor and weapons that none of them were capable of beating such a giant, none of them would come out a champion in this battle.  But David, he believed differently.  The only experience he brought to the table was his stories of defending his sheep by fighting lions and bears with his bare hands, and as far as weapons go, he was equipped with only a sling and a handful of rocks. What David knew that the other men forgot was that this battle was not one he would be fighting but instead this battle was the Lord’s.

To sum up the story that most are familiar with, David went to battle. He refused the armor that was provided for him and with just a hand full of rocks and a sling shot, he courageously charged the taunting giant enemy.  He didn’t wait to be approached, he looked directly at his enemy and said “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD ALMIGHTY, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied” (1 Samuel 17:45), and then he ran directly at him and with the sling of one rock, he silenced the giant opposing enemy with a blow right smack in the middle of the head. It was with the sling of that one rock and the trembling ground from the collapse of a giant that “the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel”. And with that, God was the Champion.   

All of this, once again, begs me to ponder.  David was a mere young man, a lowly shepherd, the youngest brother, much like we are mere humans, housewives, businessmen, mothers and fathers, anything other than warriors.  He was not a mighty warrior either, BUT, he sure knew one didn’t he?  David seemed to remember the very thing that is so easy for me and others to forget.  He remembered that the battle was not his, it was God’s.

Just like the Israelites and David, we all have enemies too.  Sometimes it’s exhausting fighting them and at other times we never even go to battle because we don’t seem to stand a chance, so instead we cower.  We become servants of the enemy that taunts us. After all, it is in our face screaming and yelling and towering above us.  It taunts, it makes fun and it reminds us of how little we are.  But, just as David yelled back at his enemy, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD ALMIGHTY, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied!”, we need to be reminded that we can yell back too. 

We can say to our enemies, “You come against me with fear and anxiety but I come against you in the name of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!”

“You come against me with threats against my health and debts larger than my checkbook, but I come against you with the name of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!”

“You come against me with depression and grief but I come against you in the name of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!” 

Do you get it?  Can you feel the power welling up inside you just as you read this?  That is God. He is our champion and mighty warrior, He can handle our battles.  We need only to pick up the sling shot and a rock. It doesn’t matter if we are little boy shepherds facing ginormous giants, because let’s be real, some of our enemies are indeed giant, but our enemy will always be smaller than our God.  We, like David, need to find the courage and face our enemies instead of cowering down to them and becoming their slaves.  God has called us to be free in Him.  It's time we pick up our slingshots of truth that is found in the word of God and get in the face of our enemy and run after it screaming all the way that he will not defy your God!  Let the Lord fight your battles dear friends.  And when He wins, because He will, your life will show that He indeed is God.              

So today, figure out your enemy.  Is it depression, is it grief, is it fear, or is it generational bondage? Fill in the blanks above and yell back.  Whatever it is, don’t allow it to torment you day and night and don’t allow it to threaten you into submission.  It’s a battle that God has already won for you.  Stand against it and claim the victory.  And lastly, for the record, not only did the giant die, David also cut off his head and fed his carcass to the birds and animals. Spiritually speaking, feel free to do that as well!

 

      

A Love Like HIS

It was 19 years ago today that I counted down the hours to become Mrs. Bailey.  As excited as I was I could not even begin to fathom how my life was about to change. I knew it would be filled with humor, fun and friendship, but I had no idea that it would be filled with the most gentle, refining, life changing hardcore love.  Sure, marriage has its challenges and ours has been no different.  However, those challenges are meant to serve a purpose and I had a great man who taught me just that.  He loved me like Christ loves His bride.  Always has and I am confident he always will. He shows me scripture.

 

When I was so mean and angry for the first several years he showed me grace and forgiveness.  He loved me.

When I was pregnant and sick with IV’s stuck in my arm for many months at a time, every.single.pregnancy, he cared for me.  He cleaned me up, he held my hair back, and he took care of me in ways I never dreamt I would need to be taken care of. He loved me.

When I was flustered and emotionally out of control raising three little girls, he calmed me.  He stepped in, he bathed our kids, and he sang to them and read to them and could take care of their needs without an ounce of my help.  He loved me.

When I was exhausted, he vacuumed, he did the dishes, he folded laundry and he never said a word about a messy house.  He loved me.

When my entire past caught up with me and I completely fell apart needing years to regain what was lost and repair what was damaged, he sat with me.  No matter how late it was, no matter how early he had to wake up, he still sat there and held me.  He was patient guide out of the darkness and he was my soft place to fall.  He loved me.

When I worked and missed my children he provided and allowed me to be the stay at home mom I always dreamt of being.  He worked, he delivered flowers, he delivered phone books, he did whatever was necessary to provide so my heart could be fulfilled. He loved me.

When our future was scary and his good paying job was no more, he led us.  He moved our family despite his fears and worries and I knew no matter what, we would be okay simply because of his presence and the strength that was in it.  He loved me.

When I was riddled with fear in the next phases God was calling me to, He encouraged me.  He was always my number one fan cheering me on.  He gave me reason to overcome.  He loved me.

When I cried at every first and last day of school and loose tooth or first dance, he simply held my hand and listened.  He always allowed me to go down memory lane. He loved me.

When I was injured and overcome with disabling ailments and injuries he once again took care of me.  He rubbed my aches, soothed my pain, again at all hours of the day and night.  He loved me.

When I fell apart when our daughter went off to college, he told me I was a wonderful mom.  He assured me of her need for me still.  He loved me.

When I was overcome with sadness and joy when that same said daughter got married, his love for her during her entire life assured me that her husband would love her like he did.  He loved me.

And now as I have two more daughters almost out the door and knowing that our home will soon become less filled with noise, he assures me of his need for me too.  He shows me his need to be my best friend, to laugh with, to play with and to one day travel with, all while changing the world.  This man has shown me Jesus like no other and he shows me that our lives together are only just at the beginning.  Our journey together has taken me through the lowest valleys and the highest mountains and I am so grateful for the love of my husband. And for the love he has for his Savior.  God is the glue in our marriage.  He is the steadfast rock that has allowed my husband to be all of those things.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this man will always love me, if for no other reason than because the God he loves so dearly has commanded him to and He has formed a covenant between us that my husband will not allow to be broken. And that is how he loved me and loves me still.

Forever holding your hand and walking by your side,

Happy Anniversary to my most precious gift, Christopher. I love you!