You Know You're 40 When...

By nature I have always been a bit of a “glass half empty” kind of girl. I have a logical mind and am pretty much a realist.  As I've grown in my faith and in wisdom I've learned to become a bit more of a “glass half full” kind of girl.  I have learned that it was far more beneficial for my attitude (and let’s be honest, and for the happiness of those around me).  Lately though, as I've entered into my forties I've realized I've become more of a “where the heck did I leave my glass” kind of girl.  And let me tell you, it’s a shock to my once organized, in the details mind. It’s annoying and it’s hysterical. 

The blessing in it all is that through this transition I've learned that I get to choose which one it will be, fully acknowledging that some days the choice is easier than others.  Still as a result I've found it to be much more tolerable to be positive. So to encourage my fellow forty somethings, here's a little bit of comedic relief to offer you perhaps a new perspective of the unavoidable changes in life.

Yes, it is annoying when you get to church and realize upon crossing your legs that only one of them got shaved, or perhaps find that conditioner was still left in your hair, BUT think of all the extra time you saved that allowed you to look for your keys.

Yes, it’s annoying when you have to try on 8 pairs of pants to find one that fits BUT I am confident that all that one legged hopping around and squatting to stretch them out has to be worth at least the 600 calories worth of ice cream you will eat that night.

Yes, it’s annoying when you forget where you hid things so your children wouldn't find them BUT this way you get to celebrate Christmas year round! The kids always love a mid-summer sweater or scarf still in its bag with tags on.

Yes, it's annoying that you now can't read without glasses for farsightedness But at least you get to go into denial about that long hair you can't see in the mirror that is growing on your chin.

Yes, it’s annoying when you are scheduled for one medical test after the other BUT it is kind of fun to say words that end with “opy”…endoscopy, laparoscopy, colonoscopy.  You can almost create a fun little riddle or jingle. And, opy is easy to remember so technically you can just add it on to the end of whatever word you choose and most people will not even know the difference.

Yes it’s annoying to accept the reality of never being able to jump on a trampoline again BUT let’s be real who can really afford anymore co pays anyway?

Yes, it’s annoying to have hormonal waves of anxiety and irritability BUT…BUT…well, I've got nothing for this one let's just go with yes, it is annoying!

Yes, it’s annoying when you forget to pick up your children and they are left stranded for an extra hour, BUT it’s so beneficial for them to learn to appreciate that at least they didn't have to walk 5 miles up a hill to school every day in the snow.

Finally, yes it’s annoying to literally forget everything BUT to finally learn that life still goes on when you are not in control of everything is invaluable.

At the end of the day dear friends, despite the similarity between turning 40 and running into a brick wall, life will always be what you make it. So I say, laugh till you pee, strut the extra 10lbs of belly fat, let go of all that you forget and enjoy what you do remember,  rock the one shaved leg, and appreciate the excitement in finding all the random things you've misplaced throughout the year (well except the milk in the cupboard, that’s never good).  Enjoy the ride friends, enjoy the ride! 40 is beautiful!!!

Blind Eye

It's not always easy being gifted with mercy.  I cry at every movie, tv show or commercial involving anything with pain, puppies or children leaving for college. I also grieve with people, I hurt when they hurt and I sometimes find myself desperately searching for ways to help when there simply are none. My gift of mercy is also coupled with a very passionate personality and if something touches my heart it becomes very difficult for me to leave it alone. And today, once again an issue I am passionate about has touched my heart...Human Trafficking.

This article showed up today and it grieves my heart. http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/07/29/fbi-rescues-at-least-105-child-prostitutes-in-nationwide-undercover-operation/ This is unacceptable my friends.  Children on OUR streets, the streets of a free nation, being sold for sex. We're not talking about Cambodia or Kenya, we're talking about Atlanta, Charlotte, Tampa.  Trust me, I also have much to say about the same issue in foreign countries. 

This should outrage us but I have to ask why it doesn't?  

I believe everyone of us reading this article and this blog would find the act of sex slavery despicable.  So why is it so easy to turn a blind eye to it?  In my view, I believe it's because we feel so separated from it. But are we? Sure, we're not buying these girls, nor are we selling them, but perhaps as a nation we are giving this industry its roots and and it's fuel...and I believe we are doing that, with dare I say it, pornography.

Do you realize that as a nation we spend more on porn than it would cost to end world hunger?  Sex slavery exists like every other business because of supply and demand and we are creating that very demand.

A sweet young friend of mine recently went on a trip to Cambodia to fight against this issue as she served in a home that rescued girls as young as 5. Yes, 5. Here's what she had to say in her blog, "It is no secret in Cambodia that sex is a big thing that the Westerners want. Most of the time, it is safe to assume that a Western, white man with a younger Khmer girl is only using her for that evening. It is sickening". You can read more at http://bemymagnificentobsession.blogspot.com/2013/06/what-its-like.html

Young rescued girls of Cambodia

For something that seems so innocent and personal, it isn't.  It's demoralizing and objectifying to a woman. It's easy to click on a link, pick up a magazine or enter a club, but I have to ask, would it still be easy if you knew that woman was a daughter, a once little girl who used to play dress up, play with dolls and have big dreams?  Or maybe a girl who was thrown out like trash by a family who didn't know how or even desire to care for her? Perhaps even a little one innocently playing and then being snatched up by a predator. Do you think it would be as easy to look at her if you were able to see her heart as well as her body?  A heart, raw and broken believing she is nothing, unlovable or useless. Well, I don't. 

What else does pornography do? It dehumanizes people and it deceives them.  It also kills marriages and relationships. It no longer sits hidden under a mattress or in a drawer, it comes to you, straight to your inbox and through your television. It removes all value to the peered upon one and it deceives the onlooker. I have never met a woman who had big dreams to become involved with porn, nor have I ever met a man who sought out to become addicted to it. But yet, they both happen. Every. Single. Day.  Let's not even discuss the chemical changes it creates in your body causing an ever increasing demand for more and for different.  Yes, there are sick predators in this world, but there are also normal every day people who have become so chemically altered and addicted that are doing far more offensive things than they ever could have imagined...thus the leap from porn to sex slavery.

As much as I could go on, I will close with this. I'm not naive to think that everyone reading this is immune to the deception of porn.  It may very well be an issue within your own home. I'm also not naive enough to think that everyone will share my views and in fact, some may very well find me extreme. However, if porn has made it's way in your home, would you consider kicking it out? Even if you feel it's harmless, there's nothing, absolutely nothing positive it will add.  Let's not be known as the nation that feeds the selling of young girls and spends billions on pornographic materials. Also, if you find me too conservative, well, that's ok. I'm a mother of 3 daughters who would give her life for them and if I know there are daughters out there in the world who need me, well then, here I am. Told ya that gift of mercy is a difficult one!

So, let's not turn a blind eye to the issue of sex slavery but instead go ahead and turn a blind eye to pornography and quit viewing it. 

PS. Not to self promote, just a passion for the issue, if you or a spouse does indeed have a problem please seek the help . We'd be honored to walk alongside you at www.firstcarecc.com . Not sure if it's a problem in your life, explore that here http://www.xxxchurch.com/

       

Once Again

Once again I am astounded by the grace of my husband.  Well after his normal time to leave for work in the morning he reappears into our bedroom. Apparently his delay in going to work was because of his venture looking for his shoes.  After a brief discussion it came to be known that I had accidentally sold them at our garage sale this weekend.  Um, does oops cover that?  And, did I mention that his favorite pair of shoes were sold for a mere $2?  Yikes!

The night before I had washed all the shoes that we were going to sell (in response to what my husband likes to refer to as my department store garage sale). I guess I had noticed his shoes needed washing as well so I lumped them in with all the rest.  Long story short, they made it into the sell pile and were gone right away (duh, awesome shoes for $2!).  Instantly upon this revelation I felt awful and instantly I was also ready to defend myself.  Want to know why I didn't? I didn't because of the graciousness of my husband.  There he stood, shoeless, late for work with a wife who had sold his shoes right out from under him and is all he has to say is " That's okay baby" and then proceeds to give me a kiss, put on some old shoes and head out the door. In this moment I realize that how he responded is not even close to how I would have responded had he sold my favorite shoes. Better yet, I later get a text from him telling me that they are just shoes, he probably need a new pair anyway and appreciating that I noticed they were dirty and washed them. Such humbling, convicting  and yet soothing words to a wanna be defensive heart.

So my friends, as I ponder again today I know that once again the grace of my husband has changed me. It has been his patience and grace throughout the years that has changed me, strengthened our marriage and made him my best friend and biggest role model. You see, when I came into our marriage I was hot headed, quick to speak and quick to anger. My guard was always up and I had justifications and defenses within arms reach all the time. As much as I was prepared for battle he consistently met my rage with patience and love, and a few firm boundaries. 

All of this just reminds me of how powerful grace can be.  His grace upon me led me to stew in my anger and get uncomfortable enough to change. If he fought back it would feed my justifications and give me motive to keep fighting. Instead he just met my anger with patience.  Let me tell you, it is no fun being the angered one with no self-control next to the strong, patient one.  Every single time his grace causes me to reflect on  my own behavior and on my own heart.  His grace re-directs my sense of justification, entitlement and selfishness....every.single.time. I hate the way it makes me feel and yet I love it.  I hate it because it screams that I am wrong or out of control, it highlights my flaws. I love it because it changes me.

As for my husband, I sold his favorite shoes and he forgave me without blinking an eye. I 
spent years yelling, fighting and complaining and he held firm in love and showed me the way to self-control and humility.  As for my God, I let Him down every single day and He meets my shortcomings with His grace. I led a life of sin and selfishness and He met that with His perfect life being penalized to the fullest on a cross of crucifixion.  I will never lead a sinless life and yet He always meets me with His grace. Always.  My dear friends, this should change us.  "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us" Romans 5:8 

Let His grace today cause you to reflect on your own life.  Let it cause your heart to soften and desire to become more like Him.  Grace is not a trait of the meek and mild, it is a trait of the loving, the powerful and the strong.  Get it, grow in it and give it. 

Lastly, for the record I did manage to save my husband's favorite childhood picnic blanket! 

     

Watch Me Mom!!

I began my day today sitting poolside and enjoying the sun.  I have entered the stage of life where I can simply lounge without chasing a toddler or keeping the eyes in the back of my head on alert, which is good because I'm pretty sure those eyes now need bifocals.  Anyways, I miss my little babies, but dear friends, these are some long awaited for moments that I am not ever going to give up.  Trust me, I have earned them. 

In these moments I typically choose not to listen to music and instead enjoy all that's going on around me.  I suppose it's my pondering gene that enjoys such observing.  Well today it was as if I did have music playing as I listened to the constant chorus of "Watch me Mom, watch me"! Oh, I so remember those days.  I remember begging my mom to watch me and I remember all three of my little ones doing the same.  I remember yelling to my dad before going up the ladder of the high dive at the Elks' Lodge.  I remember dutifully watching all three of my bathing beauties as they flipped over and over (and over and over) again under water repeating "watch me, watch me"!  It is this phrase that begs me to wonder what's really behind it.

I believe what every child is longing for in the "watch me" moment is a "good job" or an "I'm so proud of you".  Not because they executed the perfect underwater somersault or completely straight legged cartwheel, but because they tried and wanted you to witness it.  As I reflected over some responses I've previously heard to this common poolside phrase and also some I have previously given myself, I can see where the mark has been missed by us parents. A desperate and excited "watch me" results in an aggravated "not now", or a dishonest "I see" after not paying any attention whatsoever, or maybe even the dreaded lecture on what they could have done better.  

As our children grow up they never outgrow the desire to exclaim "watch me"! It just manages to look different through the years.  As my own teenagers grow they no longer yell for me to watch them on the high dive but instead I get glimpses of them checking just to see if I am.  Children long to be approved of by their parents and I believe we have come to a place where we have greatly underestimated their need for our approval, that is our approval despite their performance.  We now seem to approve as long as it is perfect or even good and if it meets our standards. If not, we tend to correct.

We need to go back to the day where we appreciated  a good ol' failure.  After all, failures teach us some of our most valuable lessons.  They shape and mold us.  They teach us to fight and overcome, they thicken our skin.  Wasn't it those skinned knees that helped us stay on our bikes when we all learned to ride? They also teach us humility.  They say, so what if you didn't get a trophy, you're value is not dependent upon that. You lost, learn from it, and move on. We need to remember that our children will fail and when they do we still need to be their number one fan instead of becoming their number one critic.  

Whatever stage of parenting you are in or will be in soon, keep in mind that your kids will, beyond a shadow of a doubt, fail.  Prepare yourself now to say good job (and mean it) to the B, or for that matter, heaven forbid, the C your child brings home on a report card with their "hesitant watch me face".  It may very well be their best. Determine if it is before you lecture or require more.  After all, your child's grades help us as parents direct them in the right way in life.  Let their seeking our approval be a valuable resource instead of a feared "I did it wrong again" message.  Let them fail a test, miss a goal, forget the moves at a dance recital, or whatever it is.   

Praise their strengths and be gracious in their weaknesses.  Don't become the parent of a child who feels as if they are never enough, is overwhelmed by the stress of perfection, or the one who feels as if it is their performance that earns your love. Teach them to embrace their failures and in turn you will remove the pressure of performance based approval.  This is exactly what our Heavenly Father does. He says  to come just as we are.  He says He loves us just as we are and He forgives us for our failures time and time again.  Isn't this the message we want to give our children?  Isn't that the kind of parent we want to be?  Having a broken child who has failed be able to turn to you as a place of encouragement or comfort is life changing for your child.  In the same way, the goal is for that same child to one day acknowledge their sin and turn to their Heavenly Father broken and not good enough.  Don't raise a child who must get it all together and be perfect to be approved of or loved.  Those children won't run into the arms of Jesus, instead they will keep scrambling their way through life trying to obtain a perfection that simply isn't achievable. 

So parents, listen to your kids and by all means, do watch them.  Study them, know their strengths and help them identify them, know their weakness and know which ones to work on and which ones to accept and move on from. Our goal is not for them to become the best instead it's for them to become who God created them to be. They need us, always have and always will and most importantly they need Jesus.    

Lessons From My Yard

I am a ponderer.  Sometimes its a blessing that breathes fresh life to my soul and sometimes it's the death of me that breeds anxiety and leaves me with the woulda, shoulda, coulda syndrome.  Today it was a blessing.

For the first time in over 2 months I was able to hop on the good ol' rider mower and take it for a spin in the back yard.  I've always loved mowing the lawn for several reasons.  It brings back memories of me and my dad at his lake house.  We spent time mowing the lawn together so our chairs could sit at the point of the lake where we fished without having our legs itch from the high grass.  Ooh, and the smell, there's something about the aroma of fresh cut grass that gives you that Saturday morning kind of feeling.  I'm also a fan of clean lines, and quite frankly there's nothing like a freshly mowed and edged yard for that.  Lastly, and probably my favorite, mowing allows me to ponder.  The loud, constant roar of the mower just clears my head and allows my mind to wander.  I have really missed my mower after these long weeks of recovery from an ankle surgery. And today, I just couldn't wait to take her out for a spin.

My husband, on the other hand, is not a lover of the lawn.  He could care less about clean lines and has no need to edge a yard (oh the travesty!).  He's a genius in everything else and is always my go to guy.  I totally appreciate all the other areas where he is strong.  The lawn, however, is simply not one of them. Now, before I mislead you, I am a mower of the lawn, not an arborist or a gardener.  My thumb is hardly green.  It really just comes down to the relaxation and the clean lines. 

So, all that being said, let me share with you some of what the lawn has taught me today.  

Lesson 1. Grow where you are planted! Reach for the Son!

You see this tree? 

Well, it's a good tree, granted I've forgotten what kind, but I do know we bought it and we planted it on purpose.  Clearly we planted it improperly.  We assumed that our tree would get the sun it needed in the spot we chose, turns out we were wrong.  Our poor little tree has been so desperate for the sun that it has literally bent itself in half and is growing sideways.  I can't bear to move it because I so appreciate its effort.  Today, this tree has reminded me that as long as I am reaching for the Son that it really doesn't matter where I am planted.  Sometimes we get uprooted and moved around to places that are darker than we would like, BUT, just like this little tree seems to know, the Son is always there to be found.  If we reach for the Son then we will be nourished and provided for even if it means we have to grow sideways for a while. "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow" 1 Corinthians 3:7 

Lesson 2. Do not be deceived.  Sin duplicates itself quicker than you think.

Now, do you see this tree? 

This is a Mimosa tree.  Look at those beautiful flowers, so rich and so full, right?  Wrong, this is a deceptive tree. The beauty of this tree is a distraction.  It keeps you from noticing that it is dropping little seeds all over that are re-birthing trees just like it all over your yard.  

It doesn't take long for these little duplicates to choke out all of the truly beautiful trees you desire. This here Mimosa is a sin tree.  It's deceiving, attractive and appears as if it is something that you want.  It doesn't provide beauty, it provides extra work and many challenges. Uproot this bad boy and get it out of your yard but be mindful that as soon as you do you can be sure there are more lurking.  Stay on guard and do not let Mimosas over run your yard and do not let sin over run your life.  Uproot them ASAP because they breed and multiply before you ever even realize the seed has been planted.  " Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows". Galatians 6:7

Lesson 3. There is not much appreciation in things unearned.  After all, look how much we take His grace for granted?

This picture speaks for itself.  

Although the sweet berries are not ripe, they soon will be.  As sweet and delicious as they are I can not just jump right in and grab them.  I have to work my way to them through the thorns.  Just like in life, the sweet things usually must be earned. Entitlement says they are ours for the taking but appreciation comes when we've earned them. "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him". Colossians 3:17

Lesson 4.  Remain in the Vine and your garden will bear fruit.

Ooh, this one's a little embarrassing but also speaks for itself. 

(Now keep in mind, I've been post op for over 2 months).  A garden unkempt dies and grows weeds.  The same is true for our families and our marriages.  If we never fertilize them, water them or pull out the weeds they too will eventually die. Gardens are no joke, they require work if you want some fruit. The same goes for our marriages, if you want to reap a harvest you better get busy sowing the seeds!  "Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me" John 15:4. 

Lesson 5. If you are in Christ, you are made brand new! 

This is our new addition to our deck.

Brand new wood sticks out like a sore thumb, especially when it's next to the old decking. Uhhh, shocker! It's supposed to!  When we are made new we also should be set apart.  That's the beauty of the design.  It is in our newness that the world can see it's own need to be made new. If the new wood looked like the old then we'd never even know it was new! Same goes with our lives. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here"! 2 Corinthians 5:17

And finally...

Bonus Lesson. Appreciate your non clean line loving spouse!

My hubby may not love the lawn but the man can rock a grill! Thanks babe for tolerating my clean line crazies!