Caterpillars, Butterflies and Romans, Huh?

I was recently asked to explain the love I have for butterflies and for my life verse, which says, "Do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2.  To me, oddly enough these two things go hand in hand. For the record, I am going to come at this as a Believer in Jesus Christ.  If you're not there with me,  just please hang on.

My life has consistently been one of transformation ever since I have known the Lord.  You see, I used to follow the world a lot.  I used to believe the lies that it told me.  The lies that said that I was hopeless, not good enough and unworthy.  It also told lies that money was happiness, success was happiness and that we all deserved so many things.  It said that I deserved to have things my way and that I deserved to be happy. It said that it was okay to be selfish because we are all entitled to whatever we want and we are allowed to act however we feel.   The problem is that what the world says is not truthful and it does not lead to transformation but instead it leads to death and I was buying into it.

This verse in Romans tells us that instead of listening and following the world to have our minds renewed and changed by the truth of God’s word.  The world claims to make life easier and more pleasurable, but this is a lie. The more we listen to the world the less likely we are to hear truth when He speaks.  When we listen to the Lord it is so much easier to understand His will and continue to follow it and Him.  Even when His ways are more difficult, they are so much better.  I know this firsthand.  

So what does all of this have to do with a butterfly? Glad you asked. Well, for starters, a butterfly has the most magnificent transformation ever! They start off as nasty, ugly little caterpillars and end up as beautiful butterflies.  

They do this through the process of transformation.  It’s not a simple process but instead a lengthy and a hard one that challenges their very lives.  When a caterpillar is born it spends the first 2-3 weeks of its life eating non stop.  It literally increases its body mass by a few thousand.  It grows so much that it has to shed its shell several times just to keep up with its own growth.  Then, when it’s ready for its largest growth spurt it attaches itself to a branch and forms a cocoon and hangs there.  

While firmly attached to the branch it does its greatest growing and transforming.  Cue amazingness...It literally starts being chemically disassembled and reconstructed into something entirely new.  Within a few weeks it will fight its way through the tough cocoon and emerge as a beautiful butterfly.  As soon as it takes flight it will find a mate, lay eggs and the process will start all over again.  It’s amazing!

Our journey of transformation should not be too different.  We, like caterpillars, start off in all of our nastiness and ugliness as sinners. When we begin our journey with Christ is when the transformation process begins.  We eat His Word nonstop.  We hunger for it and fill up on it and allow it to grow us.  As we grow we shed some of our old shells, the shells of pride, selfishness, our old ways and old beliefs. The exiting growth we have achieved until this point has prepared us to fight through the next stage of growth.  In order for this new growth to take place, we much attach ourselves to a branch, or better yet to The Vine.  We firmly attach ourselves there while the real work takes place. We hold on for dear life while winds blow, storms come and the fight for transformation occurs.  While we are so rooted in The Vine we conform and change into something that is remarkably unrecognizable.  It is after this process that we finally emerge as something beautiful and magnificent.  

One of the most special parts of this is how much a butterfly must fight to get out of the cocoon.  It is hard work. Many foolish people have cut the cocoons open to help out the struggling butterfly and relieve them from their pain, only to learn that by doing so they have sadly killed the beautiful creature. The truth is that it’s the fight that takes place in the cocoon that helps them live.  That is where their wings get their strength to take flight. Without the process of the fight they emerge with damaged wings that won’t fly and are left to simply die.  The same is true for us, if we quit the fight and cave to the world we too will spiritually die and never be able to fly.  The hard work is purposeful.

Personally, this is what I've always had to remind myself.  My struggles have never been without purpose and they have never been without a Master’s plan.  The fights in my life have never been accidental.  In fact, it has been those very struggles that have allowed me to soar! So yes, I may have started out as a nasty caterpillar that followed the ways of the world seeking pleasure and joy in all the wrong places only to find misery and defeat, BUT I have since ended up as a beautiful butterfly that has fought my way through much transformation simply by holding onto the Vine and never letting go.  

In my whole heart I believe this is what Jesus wants from us and for us.  He wants us to quit listening to the world that offers to cut us out of our struggles.  The problems of this world and the battles for your soul cannot be relieved or won by denial, beauty, mind altering substances, money or fame. Sure, those methods may relieve temporary pain but they also offer a false sense of pleasure that will ultimately destroy us.  It is exhausting to keep going back for more all the time. Instead He wants us to follow His ways that tell us to fight against the lies of the world and to do so by simply holding on tightly to Him, the Vine. He does the transforming work.  Then before you know it we emerge as something magnificent….the likeness of Himself.

As a caterpillar I wanted to be rescued without the work of the battle. I was hopeless, afraid of everything, anxious, defeated and miserable.  I didn't want to bear the transformation process, I just wanted to be the butterfly. Now that I am a butterfly transformed by God I am so grateful for His transformation process. It is because of it that I am now so filled with hope that I cannot resist from overflowing it into the lives of others.  I am still afraid but not overcome by fear, I am no longer anxious over all of the tomorrows, I am never ever defeated and although I may temporarily suffer, I will never again be in permanent misery. 

The thing that changed my life the most was accepting the offer to grab a hold of the Vine. It's an offer that has been given to us all when Jesus paid our debt on the cross. I took it and have been clinging to Him ever since and I hope that you have or will as well. The battle in my personal cocoon was so difficult and took so long but it was also SO worth it and I know yours will be too! So, who's ready to fly?!

   

On the First Day She Felt Happy

The other day I sat down with my girls, now 16 & 17, and went down memory lane.  It began with a dinner conversation of me sharing stories of my school years.  They graciously suffered through it as I shared my stories for what likely felt like the thousandth time. I shared the good days of winning spelling bees, the bad days of running out of my class to hide in a locked car because I was scared of my teacher, and the scary days of taking the wrong bus home and having the police look for me.  Needless to say, I was full of stories.  

I know right now many of you, including myself, are gearing up to or may have already sent your kids off to school. For me, this is such a bittersweet time of year.  It means that another year has passed and my precious, not so little ones anymore, are one step closer to entering this world on their own. I dread the empty nest and yet I know when the time comes my gracious Lord will give me the peace I need.  It is that very kernel of truth I want to share with each of you.

As you send off your little ones entrusting them into the hands of their teachers, their schools and this world, always remember that ultimately it is God's hands you are entrusting them into. It's important that you know that and that your kids see you knowing that.    

As my youngest went off to kindergarten so many years ago, she came home with a note that said "Mommy brought Mackenzie to school on the first day, and she felt happy."  I KNOW this note was not talking about me, because this mommy felt like a hot mess!  I somehow managed to pull up my big girl panties and put the most artificial smile on my face as I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her.  I then proceeded to briskly walk out to my car and emotionally crumble.  

I know exactly why I crumbled that day and for a few years following. I also know exactly why I no longer crumble (well mostly).  I crumbled because I was the only protection my child had, I crumbled because she needed me, and truth be told, I needed her. I crumbled because only I knew what was best for her. Basically, I crumbled because I was believing a lie. The truth is, that I had no control over any of those things.  And fellow mommies, neither do you. 

No matter what kind of school you choose for your children YOU are not big enough to keep them safe and provide all they need, only HE is.  However, you will be happy to know that He does a far greater job than we can and if you trust Him and allow Him to show you He certainly will.  

So this year fellow moms, take a rest from worry and allow the very One who formed that precious child of yours to continue to hold them in His capable hands. If they got a teacher you don't like, it's okay.  Perhaps this year the teacher got the exact child they need instead of your child getting the exact teacher they need.  Let God use the situation.  If they learn things you don't believe in, communicate with your children. Use those moments to embark upon a solid conversation sharing truth with your child.  If they're not making friends like you hoped, that's okay too.  Allow God to minister to your child as He uses the warm embrace of their mom. Teach your children along the way to trust God with the hard things in life.  Let them learn this with you and through you.  

At the end of the day, you cannot be all things to your child and you cannot protect them from all things in and of this world. However you can direct them to the One who can. Let them know you're not afraid because of how big your God is and they will learn to trust in the same. So this year on that first day of school thank God for bringing you and your child this far.  Thank Him for going before and for remaining during and after.  Embrace the journey He puts you on this year, the good, the bad and the ugly.  None of it is beyond His reach.   

If Momma Ain't Happy

So, my esophagus is shrinking. Exciting huh? Well, not really. Apparently I have some extra tissue that likes to keep forming around my esophagus that makes it close tighter so that food doesn't like to pass.  It can, it just becomes difficult and at times painful.  (BTW, you'd think I'd be thinner but somehow there are no perks with this nastiness). Anyways, long, too much information story short, I had to go under anesthesia to have a balloon blow it up to make it wider so I didn't run into trouble. 

As the doctor was getting ready to put me under he told me to think about something that made me happy.  Without hesitation, I thought of my husband.  Yes, I know this is sweet and sappy, but I wish I could have you understand how genuine it was as well.  My husband truly does make me happy.  Maybe it's because I no longer require that of him like I once did.  I am glad to be free of relying on my husband to be my everything.  That is God's spot and it is so disappointing when you try to give His place to a mortal man.

I've also always been bothered by the whole "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy" phrase.  The reality is that sometimes if momma ain't happy, she needs to suck it up and get over it. Life isn't always about momma's happiness like I once thought it was. The truth is, if I had successfully transformed my husband into a man that desired to constantly make me happy at all costs I doubt that he would have been my first choice to think about that made me happy.  

In creating a man whose main concern was my happiness, I would have helped shape him into something he wasn't supposed to be.  I would have taken away his leadership. I would have taken away his ability to do what was good for me as opposed to what I wanted.  I would have created a weak father/spoiled daughter relationship and who the heck wants that?! I'd much rather have a man who cared more about my spiritual and personal growth and well being than for my temporal happiness. And when he stands up to me to do what is right and good for me and our family, well friends, turns out, that is what makes me happy.  Perhaps in the moment of not getting what I want I'm less than thrilled, but having a man who loves me enough to look out for me is worth it.  We look out for each other and although happiness is not our goal, it becomes more abundant. 

I started off our marriage seeking happiness and I hated (and I mean hated) when it couldn't be found.  I wanted my way and every time he originally gave it to me even when I should not have had it, he fed my whining tendencies, and let's be honest, there are no happy whiners. The need to always have what you want in life is exhausting.  So today, I am grateful for a man who doesn't always make me happy but instead always shows me what I need.  Learning to find joy in life despite always getting your way is awesome. Having a husband to trust with your well being is awesome too.  He helps me grow.

 

At the end of the day, having my esophagus stretched  was not something I wanted and by all means did not make me happy.  In fact. if I went with what made me happy I'd eventually end up in the ER with emergency surgery getting a piece of steak removed from my throat!  And guess what, it was my husband that made me finally call my doctor after months of putting it off and yes, that did irritate me. But because of that, yes, that man does make me happy.  He makes me happy because he loves me enough to put my needs above my emotions.  Maybe it's time you had a talk with your own spouse.  Give them a break from carrying the burden of your happiness around. It's not a job they can ever accomplish, nor is it something you would even want them to. When happiness is the ultimate goal, misery will consistently be the outcome. 

  

big Dog LITTLE Dog

We currently have the, well, let's just say pleasure of enjoying some time with our daughter's 6 month old Labradoodle, Boomer (named very appropriately as everywhere he goes you hear BOOM!).  He's not the most coordinated of dogs. However I will say that his personality is precious, he just needs to grow into himself a little...or a lot. 

You see, Boomer has a size problem.  He's a big dog and has no idea that he is.  He tries to fit under tv trays and onto your lap and he squeezes himself into very tight spaces all the time.  Spacial issues however, are the least of his worries.  We also have a dog, a Jack Russell named Barklee. Like Boomer, Barklee also has size problems. He is a little dog who thinks he is a big dog. 

The problem for both of them arises because they have a relationship that is based purely on Barklee, the little dog's standards.  If he wants to play, they play, if he doesn't  they don't.  Barklee is also a corralling kind of dog and he does not let Boomer out of his sight before he runs after him and leads him where he would like him to be.  Oddly enough this works.  Boomer is indeed at the mercy of Barklee and it is quite amusing and puzzling to watch this monster of a dog bow down to a little pip squeak of a dog.  This situation begs me to ponder.

I am someone who has always had an issue with fear.  Fear has always felt like the BIG dog in my life but through the years I have discovered that it's not, nor has it ever been.  I sat there watching Boomer cower to this little dog all the while thinking, "Boomer, you are bigger than him, don't let him do that to you!", and then I thought of my own life and realized how long I was deceived into thinking I was the little dog too.

I watch Boomer constantly look over his shoulder for Barklee to be on the prowl. I watch him leave a toy that he loves behind so Barklee could have it and I watch him completely change directions and head somewhere else because Barklee was lurking. Wow, I was Boomer!  I constantly evaluated every situation and bowed my knee to fear.  I let it steal things I love from me and I changed directions in my life and headed the opposite way, all because fear said so.  All because I believed that fear was the bigger dog.

Dear friends, let me tell you, I have battled most of my life with fear and it used to control me like a scared Labradoodle but it no longer has that power.  You see, I have learned that fear is nothing more than a yippee little dog. Sure it can bite and may sting, but the truth is, I am the bigger dog and when I have the power of Christ in me (which is always), He is the really BIG dog! Fear can yip and follow me around all it wants but I can trump it every time.  It may not leave me alone but I can certainly put it in it's place.

So, for my fellow scaredy cats, here's the truth on fear. It is big enough to impact your emotions and make you feel afraid BUT it is not big enough to keep you from moving forward, nor is it as big as it wants you to believe. Believe it or not, even with fear barking in your face you can still just DO THINGS AFRAID! Don't let this little dog nip at your heels anymore, bite back! Face it and tell it that you have finally realized just how big you are. You may not be able to get it to leave you alone but you can certainly kick it out of the drivers seat of your life. 

So will you join me in setting yourself free? Do things afraid...it will change your life! And remember, in most cases Fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real! Don't be scared to call it's bluff!