If Momma Ain't Happy

So, my esophagus is shrinking. Exciting huh? Well, not really. Apparently I have some extra tissue that likes to keep forming around my esophagus that makes it close tighter so that food doesn't like to pass.  It can, it just becomes difficult and at times painful.  (BTW, you'd think I'd be thinner but somehow there are no perks with this nastiness). Anyways, long, too much information story short, I had to go under anesthesia to have a balloon blow it up to make it wider so I didn't run into trouble. 

As the doctor was getting ready to put me under he told me to think about something that made me happy.  Without hesitation, I thought of my husband.  Yes, I know this is sweet and sappy, but I wish I could have you understand how genuine it was as well.  My husband truly does make me happy.  Maybe it's because I no longer require that of him like I once did.  I am glad to be free of relying on my husband to be my everything.  That is God's spot and it is so disappointing when you try to give His place to a mortal man.

I've also always been bothered by the whole "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy" phrase.  The reality is that sometimes if momma ain't happy, she needs to suck it up and get over it. Life isn't always about momma's happiness like I once thought it was. The truth is, if I had successfully transformed my husband into a man that desired to constantly make me happy at all costs I doubt that he would have been my first choice to think about that made me happy.  

In creating a man whose main concern was my happiness, I would have helped shape him into something he wasn't supposed to be.  I would have taken away his leadership. I would have taken away his ability to do what was good for me as opposed to what I wanted.  I would have created a weak father/spoiled daughter relationship and who the heck wants that?! I'd much rather have a man who cared more about my spiritual and personal growth and well being than for my temporal happiness. And when he stands up to me to do what is right and good for me and our family, well friends, turns out, that is what makes me happy.  Perhaps in the moment of not getting what I want I'm less than thrilled, but having a man who loves me enough to look out for me is worth it.  We look out for each other and although happiness is not our goal, it becomes more abundant. 

I started off our marriage seeking happiness and I hated (and I mean hated) when it couldn't be found.  I wanted my way and every time he originally gave it to me even when I should not have had it, he fed my whining tendencies, and let's be honest, there are no happy whiners. The need to always have what you want in life is exhausting.  So today, I am grateful for a man who doesn't always make me happy but instead always shows me what I need.  Learning to find joy in life despite always getting your way is awesome. Having a husband to trust with your well being is awesome too.  He helps me grow.

 

At the end of the day, having my esophagus stretched  was not something I wanted and by all means did not make me happy.  In fact. if I went with what made me happy I'd eventually end up in the ER with emergency surgery getting a piece of steak removed from my throat!  And guess what, it was my husband that made me finally call my doctor after months of putting it off and yes, that did irritate me. But because of that, yes, that man does make me happy.  He makes me happy because he loves me enough to put my needs above my emotions.  Maybe it's time you had a talk with your own spouse.  Give them a break from carrying the burden of your happiness around. It's not a job they can ever accomplish, nor is it something you would even want them to. When happiness is the ultimate goal, misery will consistently be the outcome.